WHO CUT DOWN THE CHERRY TREE?

How To Remember All The US Presidents In Order

 THIS IS AN EXTENDED VERSION OF CHAPTER 4, PG. 77-82 FROM REMEMBER IT!

Whether it was all the English kings and queens, the Chinese dynasties, or the U.S. presidents, you undoubtedly at one point in your school years had to commit a challenging historical lists to memory. After countless hours of studying, then having your parents drill you, you took a test on it at school, only to forget it all as quickly as you wrote everything down on said test. The whole process most likely left you exhausted and fed up with your memory. It’s not fair, because had you been given just a bit of proper memory guidance, you might have actually enjoyed the process of memorizing that list. Not only would it have taken way less time to memorize, but it would have been fun too!

Let’s put those bad memory memories aside and learn how to use the Linking Method. I promise you it will change how you approach memorizing large amounts of information forever! Using the Linking Method, we can commit a sizeable list, like the U.S. presidents, to memory in one sitting of less than fifteen minutes (yes, seriously). Normally, memorizing the U.S. Presidents would seem like an arduous task – forty-five names in all – but by using this simple technique, they can be learned quickly, and without much effort.

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The best way to start is for me to help you visualize the chain of images that will represent our images (i.e. the presidents). Instead of worrying about who or what is linked to what, I just want you to sit back, relax, and read the little narrative I’m about to share. The only thing I ask of you is to pay attention as you take it all in and visualize each little scene as best as you can. Got it?

A last few tidbits: We’ll be memorizing forty-six U.S. presidents, each of whom have a first, middle, and last name. But we’re are going to focus on the last names first. Any extra information you might want to add afterwards can be done once the main linked list is set in your mind (I’ll show you an example or two when we’re finished). Once that main linked list is set, you can add the full name and any other fact you want to recall. Also, as you read through this story, if you’re unsure of why an image represents a president, just refer to the list below where I’ve listed all the images and the reasoning behind them.

So where do we begin? With “Washington” of course. So, let’s start by picturing a washing machine (Washington) washing a ton of bright-green Granny Smith apples (Adams). Along comes a chubby chef (Jefferson) who takes the apples out of the washing machine and puts on a maid’s uniform (Madison). He then gets inside of a rowing boat and starts rowing; he is a man rowing (Monroe).

As the chef in a maid’s costume rows downstream, he sees something off in the distance. Squinting to see what it is, he sees a dam (Quincy Adams). On top of the dam is Michael Jackson (Jackson) doing the Moonwalk and grabbing his crotch, SHAM-OWNNN!. A burning van (Van Buren) comes out of nowhere and slams into him; water spurts everywhere, splattering on an innocent bystander who happens to be Harrison Ford (Harrison), who is in the middle of tying his necktie (Tyler). The necktie comes alive and starts poking (Polk) Harrison Ford in the face. In fact, the necktie pokes him so hard that a tail (Taylor) pops out of his rear-end.

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Since this is all pretty weird, a filmer (Fillmore) begins to document the whole charade on film. But, by accident, the camera that the filmer is using happens to explode, and shrapnel from the camera pierces (Pierce) the back of a cannon lying off to the side of the dam. This lights the fuse of the cannon, causing it to fire and launch a bunch of book-shaped cannonballs (Buchanan) BOOM! landing on President Lincoln’s (Lincoln) feet.

Lincoln happens to be sitting across the way, on a toilet, or rather, a “john” (Johnson). His son, he tells you randomly, just received a grant (Grant) to go to college and is joining a fraternity and is in the process of being hazed (Hayes). Part of the hazing process involves shaving Garfield (Garfield) the Cat. As the cat is being shaved though, the cat pulls out a sword from a nearby stone, like King Arthur (Arthur), in his defense. The shaving stops immediately and the cat runs away, escaping as far away as he can to Cleveland (Cleveland), Ohio.

Remember Harrison Ford? Well, of all the absurd coincidences in the world, he happens to be Garfield’s best friend. He gives Harrison Ford (Harrison) a call and convinces him to join him in Cleveland (Cleveland, again). So he does. Once he arrives, they decide to go on an expedition to Alaska to climb Mt. McKinley (McKinley), the tallest mountain in the U.S. While there, they run into big, wild bears — Teddy Bears (Teddy Roosevelt), to be precise. In a desperate attempt to avoid them, they jump into a raft (Taft) that takes them down a river further off into the wilderness. Sadly, they get stranded on the raft for many days and go a bit insane, naming a volleyball they found, Wilson (Wilson), to keep them company.

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In the midst of their insanity, they find a CD player floating down the river that shockingly still works. Listening to it, they find that it is playing some hard (Harding) rock. They both start feeling all cool (Coolidge) while listening to it and decide to vacuum, or hoover (Hoover) the raft to make it clean.

Suddenly the raft pops as they find themselves having gone through an over-grown set of rose (Roosevelt, different one) branches with thorns that were sticking out of the water. They both swim to shore where they find themselves even more stranded than before. It is in these hard times, that they decide to become truthful men (Truman). Using their minds together and their eyes’ power (Eisenhower), they see an airplane passing overhead.

Making a rope out of branches and vines, they manage to latch onto the plane and hitch a ride to safety. The plane takes them all the way to JFK (JFK) Airport in NYC. The arrive completely wrecked and starving, having not eaten in days. They beg for some food and score some awesome PB&J sandwiches. Unfortunately, the sandwiches don’t have peanut butter on them and instead have light butter, so it’s really an LB&J (LBJ).

After feeding themselves, they take off their knickers (Nixon) and jump into a stranded Ford (Ford) car (Carter) sitting outside the terminal. Inside the car, they find a ray-gun (Reagan) attached to its roof. As they drive along, they fire the gun like crazy and even use it to mow down a big bush (Bush) in their path. Along the way, they pick up a hitchhiker named Clinton (Clinton), run through another bush (Bush), and then all explode into a fiery blaze as they run into a bomb (Obama) that happens to be laying in the middle of the street near a big ‘ol trumpet (Trump). After that whole ordeal (they all survive, by the way), they’re all incredibly famished, so they get some food and start bitin’ (Biden) into their food.

TO BE CONTINUED IN 2024…

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